43 years of grace. Happy Birthday St James!

On Sunday, St James church celebrated 43 years of grace.

St James is the church I was converted in, the church where for the first time in my life I heard about the true Jesus, the One that loves unconditionally, the One that saves, the One that gave up His life for me, the One that brought me out of darkness into the light, the One that is working in my heart every day.

Mervyn Eloff wrote a message in the bulletin of the church about these 43 years of faithfulness and grace from the Lord reminding us of these words in Psalm 107 “Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever…”.

How true these words are and how appropriate they are as we celebrate St James’43rd birthday. God is indeed good to us and His loyal love has been shown to us day by day, month by month, in times of joy and in times of sorrow – and this despite our many weaknesses and failings. How grateful we are to God for all that He has done. How wise it is for us to “heed these things and to consider the great love of the LORD” (Psalm 107v43); how fitting for us to “give thanks to the LORD, to call on His name; to make known among the nations what He has done” (Psalm 105v1).

Mervyn goes on reminding us of how we are to respond to “this great and glorious God who has become our God in and through our Lord Jesus Christ”.

First we are to respond to God’s goodness in Praise. We praise Him always and in many ways; in songs and through our life devoted to His glory and defined by repentance, faith and obedience.

Second, we are to respond to His goodness with Prayer. Our attitude should be an attitude of prayer and dependance on the Lord, a trust in Him where we turn to Him in good times and bad times.

Third, we are to respond to His goodness with Proclamation. If Jesus is at the center of our lives, we will proclaim His name without shame, we will communicate the Gospel of Christ with others. We will be committed to spread the good news of Jesus and when we will see the Gospel grow in the world, we will give the glory to God alone.

These three things, concludes Mervyn, should characterise our lives as Christians.

I am incredibly grateful that the Lord saved me into a church as committed to the Lord Jesus and as faithful to His word alone as St James has been for 43 years.

I insert a video clip that was shown to us on Sunday of the late Pastor Samuel Lockridge. Can we ever describe who our king is?

My sweet and stressed husband is 37 years old.

Beautiful

Tense, intense

Pain in the bum

Loyal, faithful, compassionate

Committed to the Lord

Devoted to me

Obsessive

Perfectionist (count that as a negative)

Determined and disagreeable (this one is just for you my Lou!)

Anxious

Protective

Deep and rough

Soft and tender

Somber and sincere

Talented and unbiased

Witty (ah no, sorry, this is me!)… Funny

Wise…

… most importantly saved by the Lord’s grace alone, and completely and utterly surrendered to Jesus Christ.

This is my one and only ♥

I'm 2 and really cheeky!

Seven years ago, after 38weeks of growing process and a mere labour of 3 hours (don’t hate!), he was born. He screamed loud, already, and was an overall of 2,7kgs. One of the first things that our pediatrician said after examining him was that we should have an hearing test done to check if the unusual shape of his ears was not connected to a loss of hearing. We might consider plastic surgery for his ears when he’s older, he added.

I know, if you’ve met Killian, you might ask yourself what am I talking about? You probably didn’t notice much of his ears – it’s because there is nothing wrong with them. Seven years later, I don’t consider plastic surgery but I often wonder if he can hear me!

I'm about 4 and like to be different

My little boy is turning 7 this year and this is altogether overwhelming and absolutely frightening.

As I’m writing this post, I’m trying to think back on the year and capture key moments, key new abilities, key new growth. Things that will be meaningful to put down in a post. But growth is slow and unchanging to the naked eye. If I look back at October last year, what do I see that has changed? Quite honestly probably not so much.

He’s grown a few centimeters, he’s learnt to read, count and wear shoes from morning to lunch time.

He has passed the test of school: will my child cope? I was prepared to see him struggle, to see him not wanting to do the work but the Lord has been gracious; he hasn’t displayed any of this. But Killian does things differently. What takes Léa 10 minutes the traditional way, Killian prefers the unconventional approach: jump on the couch, balance on a head stand – why, you don’t do your homework like that? Also, why stick to  ’boring books’ adapted to your reading level when you can go straight to the thick chapter books – only to leave them in the basket for 2 weeks realizing bitterly that you can’t read them yet – He still likes to pretend that he can though, oh proud one!

Killian is such a paradox to describe. He is loud, rough, overly energetic and overly physical. He’s aggressive and can be inappropriate. He struggles to control himself, hears but doesn’t listen and will defiantly fight. He has perfected ‘the look of death’. He’s impulsive and intensely emotional. He does not respond to normal punishment and often leaves me helpless and hopeless.

“I never!” is his most used words. He argues with me about what time it is and even when proven wrong, his pride will still stick to him like velcro. Apologising is not his strength. However, wound his heart and he is reduced to a pile of sorrowful tears. No pride, no shame, he will cry you a river. Not quick at apologizing but very quick to forgive.

He’s a bit like a tortoise: hard on the outside but soft and gooey on the inside. I loved that mental picture of him today. At school, boys don’t like girls, they don’t play with them and won’t touch anything pink. But today, for his birthday, Léa drew a picture for him and asked her teacher if she could go and give it to him. When she arrived in his class, his eyes went big and they **hugged** …

Big smile!

He’s often too much to cope with. Killian is too much.

Too much clumsiness. He is Clumsy smurf.

Too much anger. “How can you say it’s half past seven when the long hand is on past 6 and the short one is on past 7, you’re talking ridiculous” from Killian to his mum!

Too much charm. Have you looked at his big chestnut eyes…

Too much speed. Thump! Tttttrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Blop! is the first sound we hear in the morning: Killian jumping from the top bunk bed, speeding through the passage and landing furiously into our bed!

Too much muscle. Not enough fat!

Too much care and compassion. He is devastated that M Jackson will not be in heaven and wants to give ALL his money to the poor – all his 50 rands.

I'm now 7 and I can hold my balance!

Too much prohibited behavior. Searching every cupboard to find his birthday gifts, lying about it, saying he only just glanced, only to later confess that he had a proper long look at it.

Too much energy. Gym, karate, running, swimming. What about sitting?

Too much courage and too many fears. Dogs and dark are still making him scream but give him a 12 year old boy and he will stand up to him to defend the cause of the weak.

Too much anxiety. Not enough nails to bite.

Too many demands. Matt, you must come with me to my room. Mama, you must stir my milkshake coz you know I don’t like the yaki stuff. Lea, you must play with me…

But overall, too much love. Sharing his own birthday chocolate with everyone.

Of such has been life with Killian for the past seven years. Seven years that would not have been possible without the Lord’s faithfulness at carrying us through those times where it felt like there was no hope.

But there is always hope in the Lord. Hope for everyone – Hope for the weak, the weary, the poor and the rich, the outcast and the popular, and hope for the wonderfully made 7 year old ADHD boy in my house.

I love you THIS big my boy!!!! Keep surprising me!!

So this is what Léa has been up too.

Léa has ridden horses. By herself. Her birthday giftS were all combined to get her some horse riding lessons. She was delighted to get up close and personal with different horses. I realized that she is actually a bit scared of these big and tall creatures but loves being near them and groom them. During one of her lesson, she went on a ride with her teacher and her horse tripped, making her fall off the horse. Without me there,she had to be brave and get back on the horse (literally). And she did.

Life lesson 1. (the hard way) Perseverance.

Léa has taken part in the choir festival organized and hosted by Sweet Valley, including 2 other schools. Many rehearsals later, we enjoyed a fantastic evening at the Great City Hall. Beautiful venue but unfortunately neglected due to a lack of money. The choirs though were great. Beautiful singing does bring joy to the heart. Léa once again had to go out of her comfort zone. It’s a big group of kids, it’s very loud and it’s without me. She did very well. I so wish I could make her understand that she is such a great little girl, that she doesn’t have to worry so much but that is another life lesson that will take forever for her to completely grasp. In the meantime, we were so proud of her and she felt quite good about herself too

Life lesson 2 (in progress) Confidence.

Summer came and winked at us for a few days; days during which Léa had her first swim, and her first beach outing of the season!

Life lesson 3. Summer is more fun than winter

Now that days are longer and warmer, a friend of mine – whose daughter is great friend with Léa – motivated us to go run with them. Her 3 girls and my 3 kids started to run together, not more than 20 minutes, just in our neighborhood. We’ve only done it twice but the excitement is grand.

Life lesson 4. Exercise is good for you but it hurts less if you don’t moan while you do it.

Any outing at the Green Point Stadium always starts with a train trip – which in itself is pretty exciting for me since I never take the train. Phil and I, en amoureux, walked to the station, took the train and did the fan walk. We stopped on our way to a cute boulangerie, patisserie and had a quick bite before meeting up with the rest of the troop Kirstin, Steven, Ali, Rebekkah, Michelle, Etienne, Derek (whose pics I’m stealing further down!).

Excitement was building up as the Parlotones were already on stage doing a pretty good job!!

I’m ashamed to say that the first part of the concert is probably what I enjoyed the most – The Parlotones. Please don’t lynch me! I really love their music and I know their songs. I really liked Coldplay music but I don’t know their latest songs. It’s a bit frustrating when you can’t sing along. You know, that awkward moment when everybody starts screaming out of intense joy because it is now their faaaaaaaaavouriiiiiite song… and you just don’t-know-the-song… ??

However, the huge balloons were a great hit. The fireworks were spectacular and Chris Martin is an excellent artist. He owned that stage with his presence. His piano was super funky but I wondered if he needed glasses. He was bending very low, very up-close to the keynotes!

The experience was fantastic, I absolutely love the ‘concert atmosphere’, where somehow you almost feel close to the people around you because you share in the same emotional moment.

Proudly Tidy

This is a not an achievement award – actually, no, this IS an achievement award. But this is not a certificate that will open the doors of a big school. This is a piece of paper that brought immense sense of confidence in this little body. When I saw that his certificate was a “Tidiness Certificate”, I was puzzled. Killian is not the neatest boy you would find – quite the opposite. Why wash your hands before you eat, even when you played in the sandpit? Why wipe your mouth, even if you have a mix of chocolate and oats all the way to your eyebrows?  Should your pants be tucked into your underpants and your shirt be buttoned ‘monday’ with ‘tuesday’?

“Waste of time!” he cries out. So many things to build, pull, throw, catch… and just not enough time.

But, according to his teacher, he has worked really hard at not only keeping his desk tidy (meaning not hiding everything under his writing plank – the best hideout ever!) but also at everything related to ‘neat’: his handwriting, his spacing between words, his cutting and pasting… all these mundane tasks that are too demanding.

So with a big heart and a huge smile, he proudly displayed his hard work harvest.

Now to put these newly acquired skills into practice at home: tidying the room, making the bed, looking like a civilized child… Oh what the heck, I’m proud of my little Gavroche!!

I had no warning, no time to get ready for it. Killian lost his first tooth months after being 6. Mattéas is only 5 and a few months…

Big hole!!

His cute little teeth, with extra special gaps in between, don’t look very sturdy anyway. So when he came up to me, eating his apple and saying “ma dent is baie sore” (meaning my tooth is very sore; ma dent me fait mal), I wasn’t too surprised to see his tooth dangling front and back and sideways at the slightest touch of his tongue. Moments later, coming back from his shower, proudly wet and naked, holding his tooth in his fingers, he shouted “I lost ma dent!!!” (meaning I lost my tooth).

Proud. Wet. Naked. And toothless.

Bramble Elfglow was Léa’s special fairy – she has now retired. The spirited swashbuckler tells Killian all about his adventures when he fetches his teeth. Matt hoped for Winnie the Pooh to come and deliver a message. But Winnie is far too busy finding Eyeore’s tail to come and collect a tooth. So Bernard the bear, who is a friend of Winnie the Pooh and lives in the same forest as him, came to take the tooth.

As I re-read my letter, I giggle at two things:

☝One, at my lack of inspiration at 10 in the evening. My kids have the habit of losing their teeth on a wednesday at 5 o’clock when we have Bible Study until late. Inevitably, it sends me into frantic panic to find the paper, print the picture and search my brain for something meaningful to write (such as ‘don’t fight with your brother!’).

Bernard the bear writes a letter.

✌Two, at the incredible things that children believe. That a baby bear would come to their bedroom, stick a letter and a photo of himself in their slipper and that noone would hear a thing? But no worries, we put the alarm on in case thieves want to open a window!

However the delight on their face the next morning is priceless for any mum. His best part of the letter is the fact that the paper is dirty because Bernard’s paws are full of honey! (Coincidentally, it is the same aged paper that was used by last year’s pirates that left a letter into one of Killian’s books!!).

So Matty is the last one of his kind. Grown-up teeth are leading the way into big-boy-hood. One tooth at a time.

Despite what the secular media and the gay community say, there are many Christians who do not wish to embrace a gay identity. These are people who, because of their commitment to Jesus Christ and their belief in the Bible, choose not to act upon their same-sex attraction.

This is part of the review for this book. I had until now never read a book on that topic. A topic, I feel, that is quite taboo in christian communities and far too advertised in the secular world.

This book deals with the issue of homosexuality, not by condemning this sin as the unforgivable sin (no sin is too big or too little to be dealt with on the cross of Jesus) but by looking at it from insiders’ perspectives. What some of you were is made up of different stories from different angles. We read about someone struggling with homosexual feelings, or about the parent of someone having these feelings and even from the viewpoint of the spouse married to someone who had or still has these same feelings. It is utterly heart wrenching to read about their struggles to break away from that lifestyle.

Even more heartbreaking is what led them to develop a same-sex attraction. In these stories, a form of abuse (sexual, physical or emotional) from either a parent or an influential person in their lives seemed to have been the trigger for developing same-sex attraction.

What I found particularly encouraging was not just the realness with which these stories were written but also the outcome of their tales. This is not a book with a “Victorious Christianity” attitude. Attitude that doesn’t reflect the christian life at all!  There is no “name and claim”, no “turn or burn”. The people involved in the pages of this book describe their life with such honesty that it will make you cry and pray for them.

To live the way Christ want us to live is painstakingly, incredibly self-denying and sacrificial. How much more true for them when what is asked of them is to turn away from who they are, or learnt to be.

I recommend the read but be prepared to shed tears!

This is what our afternoon looked like.

If it looks like nothing, it is because we didn’t do anything. We didn’t run from the one place to the next, we didn’t empty our school bags, we didn’t even do our homework (**shocked face**)

We lay on the couch, eating oaties, reading our books and watching the latest Winnie the Pooh movie (which is very funny BTW).

… And not only did we love doing nothing, but we don’t even feel remotely guilty.

Voi-là!!

Every birthday of my children, I like to write something about them, about their years and what defined them in that particular one. In my head, I plan it and aspire to put something down in time that will reflect their little growing character. Without fail, I write it NOT on time and find myself chasing time to actually describe their 8th year before their 9th birthday.

I usually feel at loss for new material. Realistically, what can possibly be so different from the year before? It feels that I’ve said – written – scoped their personality. And to a large extent, it is possibly true. Although people don’t radically change from the one year to the next. children grow, mature, acquire and improve on their life-skills, be it physically or emotionally and this long process is what makes them so special and shape them into different little beings.

When I look at Léa from last year and Léa this year, I see huge differences and yet, she is still our little Léa.

At 8 years old, she reads more books that I can keep track of. She reads, reads and reads. Starting from fairies and Stardust spirits, giving way to Secret Seven, Narnia, and of course horses. Anything related to horses and poneys. She loses herself into these books and loves to come and tell me the latest happenings of Moonlight, Star, Angel and others.

Ah! Horses!! She loooooves horses. 🐴  A love initiated by her friend Kiera but then developed all on its own to reach mountain size. We eat horses, we breathe horses, we dream horses, we draw horses, we keep a stable at the back of the house and we plan horse-riding lessons (birthday gift unanimously offered by Ouma, Mamie and parents). And by we, I mean Léa.

With reading developing, writing has also skyrocketed . She enjoys writing little stories and her confidence grew as she wrote and read – in front of her class – her first poem. A vulnerable moment that, acknowledged by her teacher, meant the world to her. Coming out of her shell a little bit more is a process that takes time for a reserved girl like Léa. And I thoroughly enjoy watching her plucking her courage to go and give a spontaneous hug to one of those ‘grown-ups’ in our circle, be it Andie, Nicole,Nikki, Kirstin… so many young beautiful examples of godly ladies to hug.

Growing in confidence no doubt! This year was also the year when she planned her first escape with Kiera. 🎒  After a play date in the afternoon, Taryn phones me a bit anxious about an interesting plan that the girls had made up. When we asked Léa about it, with her biggest enthusiastic and mischievous smile, she showed us her packed 2 pjs and warm jersey – but no food. She explained that the plan was for Kiera to make her way to our house, throw pebbles on the bedroom window and escape for the night to be back in the morning, so that we wouldn’t notice their absence too much. Yes, the plan had some refining to do but what an adventurous plan it is for 2 little girls! Of course, she added, she would never do it because she would miss us too much. Well, that’s a relief.

A sensitive soul she is indeed. When her big eyes get filled with tears, I’m always scared she gets dehydrated! I get glimpses of the teenager she might become when she gets so emotional: ⚡ when Killian gets into serious trouble, she comes to me and explains how sad it makes her to see Killian crying so much (it makes me sad too for the record!) When she doesn’t get enough sleep, she cried out of tiredness for the littlest thing- such as me baking brownies and not chocolate rolls for her munchy market! When she gets to be a flower girl at Kirstin’s wedding 🌸  and when she feels full of love for her mum.💗  … many tears, happy and sad.

Sensitive but also stubborn. She has now decided that I am not allowed to tease her anymore. While she knows that a good sense of humour and teasing are an important side of our family as it helps the big personalities in the household to take life less seriously, she has now declared that she doesn’t want to be teased anymore. To which I replied that she’s going to have to find a new family; to which she remained speechless; to which we both decided to learn from each other. Me, to tease with measure; her, to accept teasing with measure.

The best part of her day is bedtime. Once everyone is tucked in, I slip into her bed for a few minutes and play with her hair. Something that started spontaneously has now become a strict routine. Routine for which I am severely rebuked if I don’t have time to stick to it. She is very strict with me  

This is but a glimpse of what life with Léa looks like. Easily pleased, easily hurt, easily comforted. A big heart, with big eyes and lots of love to give.

I love you my puppet!!! My prayer remains the same each year. That the Lord who gave you to us will be gracious on your life and will give you the eyes and ears of understanding and accepting the wonderful news about Jesus.