Miniature refining bomb

30 Mar

Photo shoot

I’m so happy it’s Monday! It means that my week of last week is finished, and almost classified.

I know I have my challenges with my son, but sometimes, those look like the size of the Himalayas, and I’m just not cut off for climbing these mountain ranges. I didn’t train for it. I didn’t register for it either. Ah, but that is the fine prints when you have children.

I am surrounded by women expecting their first child, in my Christian, and non Christian environment. Their outlook on life might be radically different but nonetheless, they’re all very excited about this new life, this tiny baby soon to be born. And it is right! Just as it is a blessing not to have children – primarily to free you for more freedom in your ministry – it is an enormous blessing and a gift from God to have children.

I’ve learned in my Christian life that what we call a struggle often turns out to be a blessing (in disguise). I’ve sometimes felt overwhelmed with circumstances, with no light at the end. Were it not for the reminder that God works for the good of those who love him – good meaning godliness – I would have thrown away my hiking boots!

Last week was one of those weeks, where climbing any kind of mountains seemed absurd and pointless. It started with a blister on my foot and ended up with the total amputation of my leg. The problem is that you have to go to the other side of the mountain. You can decide to go with no food, no shoes and no friends; or the other alternative is to go prepared with the appropriate equipment.

I’ve learned in my walk as a Christian mum that God primarily uses this moment in time to refine me. There is nothing like raising your children to teach you humility, patience, perseverance, empathy, love, forgiveness and self-control. There is nothing like parenting to remove deep anchored pride, self-assurance, self-dependency and boastfulness. The process is often painful, but always beneficial.

I see so much of that in my life as a mum. When things go relatively easy – and I say ‘relatively’, because all is relative! – why bother relying on God for endurance, for wisdom, for godliness, for kindness and gentleness. And then it happens, *** !!BOUM!! *** and snow ball. It is true that it might be particularly true in my house with a child like Killian. I find that there is so much more freedom in Christ than in ADHD 😉  But this struggle IS a blessing in disguise. Fair enough it is well camouflaged. No one likes to be embarrassed by a stuck-up librarian, but if God uses a librarian to remind me that away from Him, I can do nothing, then it was (almost) worth it!

Let me not be a hypocrite though. Would I prefer to have a child that can have some kind of self-control? Yes.

A child that is able to sit and listen? Yes please.

A child that doesn’t think that the whole world is out to get him? If only for his sake, yes.

If I listen to my heart, of course I would want my same little boy with a fixed brain. But my head tells me that with a long-term perspective, it will be good for me. In fact, my bible tells me that it is for my good, because I love the Lord and He wants me to grow in godliness. For others, God might have given them a difficult marriage, or a feeling of loneliness, a lack of money, or a fragile health. For me, it comes in the form of a miniature bomb.

As I close this post,I realise that if I could,  I would put an every hour pop-up reminder to read, and re-read that post, for the times I’ll be ready to give away my hiking shoes again…


3 Responses to “Miniature refining bomb”

  1. inks75 April 8, 2009 at 3:37 pm #

    By the way… smell the coco pops??? You made me laugh to tears 😉 Thanks Debbie!

  2. Debbie April 1, 2009 at 5:36 pm #

    I don’t know exactly what happened but I think it is safe to say that librarians are notorius for over-reacting to things that most of us would handle differently, and also, noisy, boistrous kids coming into THIER library upsetting the whole quietness of the place – it’s just not thier idea of how it should be! Hello, wake up and smell the Coco Pops!

  3. Kerry March 31, 2009 at 9:33 pm #

    oh ingrid… I felt so sorry for you on friday! That actually was quite something! And I just have a strong feeling that librarian did not have kids. My friend, keep going! God’s certainly not finished with you or Killian yet! It’s a relief He’s in charge of our lives and no circumstance is random. It is all carefully crafted for our good- that we may become like His son and find inexpressible joy in that.

    Am I allowed to say all this? Or are you just in the mood to be mourned with right now! Cos I can do that too. 🙂

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