A hand full of fingers

2 Nov

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He is 5! I don’t know how I always get caught off guard with these birthdays. Months in advance I prepare myself, then procrastinate for several weeks and then, here am I.

28th of october, a very excited boy awake at 6 o’clock with a smile larger than life. And I feel unprepared, I feel the day is not special enough. At least, gift wise we were prepared, thanks to Phillip who ordered, paid, hid… He is more excited about the present than anyone else! A lego deluxe train set, with a remote control. All right, I have to concede, the thing is im-pres-si-ve-ly cool!! Even before Killian opened the box, he said he likes that better than the Star-Wars legos than Sam got (and I had an earful of ‘when are we going to play at Caaaaaaaren’s). Pfew, we’ve won that battle!!

As Phillip gets to build the train set – some of it at least – I look at this little man who is so proud of himself for being 5, as if it was an achievement in itself. If anything, it points to God’s goodness and His grace. And here is what goes through my mind.

My precious Killian, you grew so much this year. From the apparent small things, like not being so dependant on your Stopayne (We managed to lose both of his blankets in 2 different planes within 1 month and although we did buy a new one, it’s not like the real thing!), like feeding yourself without looking like a monster machine took you by the feet, munched you and your plate, and spat you back, like sitting quietly long enough to browse a book from beginning to end, to the bigger things, like riding your bike without fairy wheels, swimming and diving like a fish, counting everything in sight and adding most of them up – even if it has no relevance in life, and very importantly things like building your legos so beautifully. I love looking at you and seeing how much you look more and more like your dad: from the intensity of your emotions to your hand gestures – this little hand waving sideways when you express yourself is so cute!

Your papa’s special spot for you grew even larger as he sees what a unique little boy you are; and my frustrations with you slowly fade away as I see what a gentle heart and different brain you have. I still can’t tell the difference between a scream for “I buuuuuuuuuumped my toooooooooooooeeeee’ and a scream for ‘ I opened my heeeeeeead and bloooooooood is gushing ouuuuuut’ but when I manage to keep MY calm and ask you what the matter is, you are now able to explain to me these things. You grew so much that you now know that a cuddle from your mama is actually quite nice, even when you’re upset with her. You still adore your big sister and you’ll play anything with her, even if it involves dolls and lots of pink! I can even see how hard you try at not yelling at your brother, even when he irritates you; you’ve learnt to come to me for help. In fact, you loooove coming and telling on your brother. What fun it is nowadays to see your brother getting in as much trouble as you get 🙂 You’ve grown so much in self-control that you even tell me when I’m shouting that I shouldn’t.

In fact, it looks like you’re not the only one that grew this year. I think I grew as much as you. You are a real blessing to our family, you keep us on our toes at every street corner but you’ve helped each one of us to learn what it means to love unconditionally, to love even when it’s hard and when it hurts. God is doing amazing work in you, refining you and teaching you His ways. I remember the day when you said you didn’t want Jesus in your heart. You were so angry with me that day!! I recognise stubbornness when I see it, in fact I see it in myself too often so…   I know that you love reading the Bible with me, and I know that you love Jesus as much as a 5 year old can. Your honesty about how you feel is a great strength.

So on your very special day, where you become a big 5 year old boy, a hand full of fingers, I thank our Lord Jesus for His amazing gift of life, His amazing gift of your precious life.

And as I’m writing this, you’re making me laugh as I hear you in the background reasoning with your dad why you also want to watch ballet – an offer made to your sister. In fact, you say, you want to do the dance yourself. Ah, I’m really looking forward to this next year with you my precious boy….

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4 Responses to “A hand full of fingers”

  1. Taryn November 6, 2009 at 11:52 am #

    I’ve just read this now – catching up on my blog reading! It is so beautiful. As I’ve said before, you have a gift with words – the picture you’ve painted here of your little boy, your relationship, your struggles and your joys is vivid and beautiful. Thank you! Your little boy is such a wonderful boy and he has fantastic parents whom I am glad to call my friends 🙂

  2. Coppa November 4, 2009 at 5:30 pm #

    Ton texte m’a émue.Que d’amour pour ton grand fiston.!garde-le et montre le lui quand il sera plus grand.Oui les émotions de Killis sont excessives mais il est tellement attachant.
    gros gros bisous

  3. Marraine November 3, 2009 at 7:24 pm #

    Certes il a besoin de sa Maman, mais pour certains cotés, son Papa est indispensable. En somme il faut bien les deux parents. Et grâce à Dieu ils sont là. Mille gros bizz à tous. J’espère que ma carte n’a pas déplu à Philippe.

  4. Phillip November 3, 2009 at 8:54 am #

    Thanks for this post my darling!
    God has really gifted you to raise this little boy. He has given you amazing patience which is inspiring to see in action. All praise to God! Thank you for using that gift to love our boy. He desperately needs his mom!

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