What’s on your mind?

28 May

 “What’s on your mind?” is staring at me. Everyday as I open Facebook, they ask me what is on my mind. I usually settle for something funny about my kids, or something really ridiculous I read or heard…Not quite a heart-to-heart writing.

Imagine we let our guards down for a moment and answer truthfully and insightfully this computer generated question.

What’s on my mind?

Well, I wonder what other mums think of me when my kids are having a little moment in public (ie at school) because I said ‘no’ to an ice bite. Then once my self-consciousness is gone, I feel guilty – and stupid – for caring about what other mums (that I don’t even know) think of me. I am here to please the Lord, not men (or women). How immature can I be to care about other people’s opinions! As if their kids never have a tantrum. Well maybe they do, but over an ice bite? So I don’t want to care about what others think. Good. But surely I must care about the fact  that my kids throw their toys out their cot (figuratively speaking of course because they aren’t in a cot anymore. At least I got that one right!) over something seemingly insignificant. Sigh.

Then I’m thinking about slander – not about doing it –  I’m thinking over something I heard about slander and how destructive it can be. What about all the things I think about people, things that influence my behaviour and opinions about them. That’s hard. I can have (some ) control over my tongue, but surely I can’t control the things that are going through my mind. Well, yes says the Bible. That’s where it all starts. If I think that Jane Doe is a cow, I’m not going to feel very positive towards her and I might not be very nice to her when I see her. And even with good motives, poor Jane’s actions are tainted  in my heart with the judgement I already made about her. I struggle with that. I want to be able to see the good things others do, even if I don’t like them. Sigh.

And then there’s my husband, my dear, precious husband whom I love so much (I think he might read that). I think he’s pretty great – on most days. He drives me up the wall when he comes home stressed from work and starts picking on me because my bag is on the table, because there are some papers on the kitchen table when he ESPECIALLY built these shelves for my ‘paperasserie’, and because I didn’t go to gym and once I lose my membership,then it’s lost forever, and also because I forgot to phone the people for (fill out any boring admin task) and finally because I did not lock the front door… And he’s probably right on most of these things (except my bag on the table, that, I will never conceive!). Marriage is wonderful and wonderfully hard. It’s hard sometimes to love him more than myself. Sigh.

And this is what’s been on my mind these past few days. Not enough lines in my status update.

 

What has been on your mind?
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7 Responses to “What’s on your mind?”

  1. alison musotsi June 15, 2011 at 7:42 pm #

    I battle too with what people think but I find as I grow older it worries me less but its still a struggle. Never thought of it as pride Kerry interesting…

  2. Kerry Newill May 30, 2011 at 1:37 pm #

    I worry about what people think about me all the time. I have one eye on them and one eye on myself wondering what they’re thinking about me. It’s totally flipping horrible and so, so wrong. I am asking God a lot these days to help me to just get on with loving people without being self conscious. Self consciousness is another word for “pride”. It sucks. I hate myself. Bring on the new world and the end to the fight with sin.

    • Ingrid June 1, 2011 at 9:10 am #

      As always so intense Kerry 🙂 I also hate it!
      I didn’t approve your ‘test’ comment. Not sure what that was about 🙂

  3. Zita Consani May 30, 2011 at 11:24 am #

    yes the secret inner life that no-one knows except the big Friend J can be most discouraging to our self-image. ‘o God, that i might learn to trust and depend on You for every thought, impulse and nuance of my being for I can do nothing without You.’

  4. Lizanne May 29, 2011 at 1:17 pm #

    Small world I guess – we share quite a few friends 😉 Joys of CESA!

  5. Lizanne May 28, 2011 at 5:00 pm #

    Hi Ingrid – Taryn linked to your post, after reading mine: http://clayjarpeople.co.za/2011/05/27/confession/… I totally understand what you mean! Its probably better that we’re not all as vulnerable on Facebook every day! Might lead to intense commenting 🙂

    • Ingrid May 29, 2011 at 1:04 pm #

      Hi lizanne, so funny, I actually know your name and surname from Facebook and common friends and connaissances. And I see we share the same blog template, ah ah!! Excellent taste!!
      Enjoy your journey with your little one, it’s a hard and rewarding one, isn’t it!!

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